Wednesday, April 02, 2003
FROM MONOKI
Protestors and Patriots: Who's Stupider?
by kevin kearney | 03.28.03
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
We know you don't care what we think about the war. But since all of the swill being written about it seems to fall into one of two camps ("war is, like, bad" protestors, and "let's get it on" patriots) and fails to recognize that things aren't black and white, we offer the goofballs on both sides some suggestions that might help them see a more sane world, the one in which most of us live.
To protestors: Just because someone isn't dancing in the streets with a big stupid puppet doesn't mean they love bombing other countries.
To "patriots": You are no longer allowed to say "It's not about oil" without elaborating.
To protestors: Burn your Bush=Hitler signs. They represent the kind of ridiculous Michael Moore-style hyperbole that suggests you have never read a history book.
To "patriots": Your jokes about France aren't even remotely clever, and they make you sound like a moron.
To protestors: I don't know why it even comes up at protests, but your antipathy towards Starbucks is curious considering you frequently drink Starbucks coffee.
To "patriots": Linking Saddam to Al-Qaeda is silly at best, and intellectually dishonest at worst.
To protestors: If you are so interested in "impeaching" Bush I suggest you look into a little-known aspect of the democratic process that you may be unfamiliar with. It's called voting.
To "patriots": When defending Bush's intelligence you are expected to give examples.
To protestors: Please, for all of us, shut the fuck up about Bush being the "unelected president." It doesn't hold water. If you are so interested in unelected presidents let's talk about Mr. "99.9% of the vote" himself over in Iraq.
To "patriots": Don't bring up the Iraqi reconstruction contract recently awarded to Halliburton. There is nothing you can say to justify the insertion of that dick in the ass of the American people.
To protestors: Please take me off of your mass email list. I know you aren't rolling out of bed at 9:00am to go to that peace rally.
To "patriots": Shutup about how you "support the troops." We all support the fucking troops. Oddly, your support always involves them in combat.
To protestors: This is not what a police state looks like. In a police state you would be naked, crying, curled up in a little ball in a dank corner of a cell for leaving your apartment after curfew.
To "patriots": Fully expect to be smacked upside the head every time you reference September 11th in relation to Iraq.
To protestors: Hundreds of thousands of people protesting does not represent an "overwhelming global opposition." Try doing the math.
To "patriots": I know it's hard, but just try to pretend every once and a while that you support the war because you want democracy for the Iraqi people.
To protestors: Why do you have to fuck with the police? I bet you'll think they are pretty cool when they are dragging your ass to safety after a chemical attack.
Protestors and Patriots: Who's Stupider?
by kevin kearney | 03.28.03
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
We know you don't care what we think about the war. But since all of the swill being written about it seems to fall into one of two camps ("war is, like, bad" protestors, and "let's get it on" patriots) and fails to recognize that things aren't black and white, we offer the goofballs on both sides some suggestions that might help them see a more sane world, the one in which most of us live.
To protestors: Just because someone isn't dancing in the streets with a big stupid puppet doesn't mean they love bombing other countries.
To "patriots": You are no longer allowed to say "It's not about oil" without elaborating.
To protestors: Burn your Bush=Hitler signs. They represent the kind of ridiculous Michael Moore-style hyperbole that suggests you have never read a history book.
To "patriots": Your jokes about France aren't even remotely clever, and they make you sound like a moron.
To protestors: I don't know why it even comes up at protests, but your antipathy towards Starbucks is curious considering you frequently drink Starbucks coffee.
To "patriots": Linking Saddam to Al-Qaeda is silly at best, and intellectually dishonest at worst.
To protestors: If you are so interested in "impeaching" Bush I suggest you look into a little-known aspect of the democratic process that you may be unfamiliar with. It's called voting.
To "patriots": When defending Bush's intelligence you are expected to give examples.
To protestors: Please, for all of us, shut the fuck up about Bush being the "unelected president." It doesn't hold water. If you are so interested in unelected presidents let's talk about Mr. "99.9% of the vote" himself over in Iraq.
To "patriots": Don't bring up the Iraqi reconstruction contract recently awarded to Halliburton. There is nothing you can say to justify the insertion of that dick in the ass of the American people.
To protestors: Please take me off of your mass email list. I know you aren't rolling out of bed at 9:00am to go to that peace rally.
To "patriots": Shutup about how you "support the troops." We all support the fucking troops. Oddly, your support always involves them in combat.
To protestors: This is not what a police state looks like. In a police state you would be naked, crying, curled up in a little ball in a dank corner of a cell for leaving your apartment after curfew.
To "patriots": Fully expect to be smacked upside the head every time you reference September 11th in relation to Iraq.
To protestors: Hundreds of thousands of people protesting does not represent an "overwhelming global opposition." Try doing the math.
To "patriots": I know it's hard, but just try to pretend every once and a while that you support the war because you want democracy for the Iraqi people.
To protestors: Why do you have to fuck with the police? I bet you'll think they are pretty cool when they are dragging your ass to safety after a chemical attack.
