Experimental Insanity

I'd make a cheap pet

I'm positive many people in NYC spend more money on their dogs than it cost to maintain yours truly. Today I was in a fancy cat and dog supply store. I noticed a steady flow of customers paying $110-200 dollars to have their dogs groomed. I asked a store employee how often the regular customers had their dogs groomed. He said, "some once a week, some every 2-3 weeks". I browsed and saw dog leashes selling for $100. Fancy packaged dog treats, doggie toys, doggie clothes, ect. All priced outrageously. In my head the math started clicking and I came to the conclusion that if you took the total cost of decadent doggie maintenance and compared it to how much PAUL spends on himself, I'd lose.
Some examples.
LETS GET READY TO RUUUMMBLLLEEEEEE!!
DECADENT DOGGIE VS PRACTICAL PAUL.

Doggie- Leather Leash $100
PAUL- Leather Belt from side walk vendor - $5
Doggie- grooming $140. Once a week.
PAUL- Hair Cut $10. Not even once a month.

Food and drink:
Most dogs that get pampered in NYC are small. Therefore, they don't eat much and I hope they drink tap water. PAUL'S beverages tend to be a large share of his total expenses.
PAUL wins food and drink (against small dogs at least).
Unless it's gotten to the point that owners give them special over priced doggie water. Then PAUL loses :(

Health Care:
In the last 10 years PAUL has hardly incurred any health care related expenses at all.
Decadent Doggie however, has probably amassed quite the vetinarian bill in the last 10 years.

Daily Walker:
Decadent Doggie - $25 for 2 hours of walking (2 hours is the minimum. When I thought about getting a low maintenance dog for myself, I asked a dog walker how much it was. I said I don't need 2 hours, how about 5 bucks for 15 minutes. Nope 2 hour minimum).
PAUL - $0 PAUL is toilet trained.

Dog Spa Day Care
Decadent Doggie -$32 a day plus tax. Bathing, grooming cost extra.
PAUL- $0 Works out at home and in the streets(like Rocky). And NEVER goes to a spa.

Here are some other ways that decadent doggie costs more than I spend on myself. These don't make sense in a head to head competition.
Decadent Doggie obedience training $$
Decadent Doggie pschologist therapy $$$
Oh no! Decadent Doggies are drinking special water. I'm not just going to lose, I'm going to lose big!!